It wasn't an easy decision, but wow, do I ever feel amazing now.
I've been holding on to Criminology as a security blanket since roughly 2007. I love reading about case files, I love moot courts, I can be your adversarial everything bay-bee, but- writing is where it's at.
I've talked about how tired I am, but not about what else my workload has been doing to me. I can take the sleepless nights, the early morning wake ups, the long hours at work, the endless time spent at CBC... But you know what? When it comes down to it, it's all about writing for me.
I have been writing since grade 2, when I first learned how to read "Crocodile Pie" all by myself. I've been reading and writing in lengths and bounds. When I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm happy, when I'm emoting at all, reading and writing is what I turn to. No wonder it finally took me to Journalism.
It's hard for me to admit that I'm dropping Criminology. It feels a little like I'm giving up. I know I'm not. I'm just shifting focus onto my writing because that is monumentally everything for me. The fact of the matter is, I was trying to push myself through my Crim courses. It made me not want to do anything.
I was speaking to my mother abut this not even an hour ago. She basically said I was being ridiculous. She reminded me that I can't do everything, and it's okay to admit that. If Criminology didn't do it for me anymore, that was okay. At least I was aware of it, and I wanted to put more quality work into something else, instead of just being obsessed with the quantity of my work.
Maybe that was my problem? I was so worried about NOT doing something all the time that I started focusing on quantity instead of quality.
So, my self care moment of the week is deciding to drop my Crim courses that I really was not interested in at all, to focus more on my Journalism work and writing.
Sure, I'll take an academic ding for my halfway done Youth Justice class, but I think I'd prefer 3 lost credits over the loss of my real priorities.
To conclude this post, I wanted to share a picture of my new tattoo with you.
It reminds me to not let my fears (whether they be inadequacy, helplessness, or a fear of falling) win out.
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| Located on the inside of my right arm, just like this. I can see it when I type or write. |
I'll do my best at what I can, and that's how it goes.
