Forgiveness

All evidence suggests that I am not a forgiving person. I don't go easy on people. I don't go easy on myself, either, but that's hardly a good thing.

I personally believe you should never ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. I also believe that I should hold myself to a higher standard than anyone expects of me. In the words of Henry Beecher "Never excuse yourself."

This means that when I fail (because even if the world doesn't count it as a failure, I do) I am the one kicking myself many times over, much more than anyone else can.

Yes, I'm back in school, after years long of a hiatus, but if I had just smartened up the first time around, I could have saved myself so much time.

Yes, I did pay off around 8000 dollars worth of debt in 2 years, but if I had just used my credit cards responsibly the first time around, just imagine what I could have done. (I could have had a house by now.)

When I depend on people (a rare event) and they don't measure up, I don't ask them for anything ever again. I normally don't speak to them ever again either. There is evidence of this throughout my life as well.

But maybe I am a picky, forgiving person. At least, my experience with my parents seems to suggest so.

Speaking quite frankly, my parents both have somewhat of an addictive history. My mother still seems to be struggling with this.

The rub is this: why do I hold my father up as an example of strong will, and look down my nose at my mothers' lack of success?

It's a good question, that only became more aware to me tonight, because I just finished reading David Carr's "The Night of the Gun", a memoir that he wrote which included all kinds of detail of how he skipped from journalist to coke head to father to alcoholic back to journalist in no real succession, sometimes being all of these things at once.

He speaks about the difficulty of finally deciding to get clean and stay clean from coke, and his unforeseen (at least by himself) journey into alcoholism.

The reason this story touched me so deeply on somewhat of a raw nerve (okay, a very raw nerve) is that what am I doing right, that both parents are highly addictive personalities (chain smokers, the lot of them) and here I am, wondering if I should pick up a bottle of pinot noir to compliment my steak.

In case you missed my implication, I'm not someone easily addicted to anything. I actually have a hard time sticking to anything. My longest relationship was a year and 4 months, (although my current relationship is catching up quick) and I was deeply obsessed at the time, but that would have to be the closest to addiction, or long standing addiction I've ever gotten. I don't drink much. I don't feel the need to. I don't feel like dealing with the consequences the morning after enough to drink all night (or day), and I hate needles so I'd never go near syringe sports (my word for drugs that can be applied with a needle). I have asthma so I don't like smoking anything, pot and cigarettes included. I didn't like my dependency on caffeine, so I weaned myself off it just to say I could. I'm on a cup a day now, and that's if I remember.

So where did I get so lucky in avoiding addiction, and where do I get off, blaming my mother more than my father, for not completely winning the fight with hers?

It all leads back to forgiveness, and my unwillingness to do so.

Sexual Assault Constructed in the Media: Backlash against Instigators of Victim Blaming

 *********NOTE: I am so proud of my completed research essay, I decided to share it with you. :3

Sexual Assault Constructed in the Media: Backlash against Instigators of Victim Blaming

SNARK

Statement about the topic:

This paper examines sexual assault as constructed in the media and how increased backlash against instigators of victim blaming has come about in relation to different media forms and methods.

Purpose/Aim:

The purpose of this paper is to demonstrate how constructions of sexual assault in the media leads to a moral panic concerning victim blaming, which increases a backlash against those identified as instigators. Researchers have noted that due to the distortion of how crimes are presented in the media the dominant narrative is shown in a sensationalized manner, (Callanan, 2004, p.61; Franiuk, Seefelt, Cepress, & Vandello, 2008) sometimes in an attempt to educate and inform. Rape myths and victim blaming presented in sexual assault articles are encouraged by episodic reporting in the media, which stimulates discourse involving such ideas as “cyberfeminism” (Powell, 2010) and rape culture. This moral panic changes social constructs towards resulting in a counter narrative, which encourages punitive measures (Salter, 2013) against instigators of victim blaming.

The aim of this paper is to explore examples of victim blaming and the resulting backlash as presented in samples worldwide, from print reports in sexual assault media coverage from 2007 to 2013.

Keywords: sexual assault, victim blaming, moral panics, rape myths, punitive measures, counter narratives

Literature Review:

            A thorough understanding of how crime is reported in the media notes that distortion through episodic coverage (individual stories and events with no historical or social context) of a certain topic can sometimes stimulate a moral panic, a perceived threat to the social order, (Lumby & Funnell, 2011) or “the perception that particular types of crimes are increasing in number, when in reality, they are not.”  This holds true especially in consideration of the three dominant crime themes which emerged in the 1990’s, these themes being criminal predators, sexual victims, and police-citizen encounters. (Callanan, 2004) There have been acknowledged benefits to this type of coverage, such as crime prevention and awareness. Some studies argue that media exposure brings to light underestimated or overlooked social problems, and promotes heightened social awareness and strategic interventions, especially for women and children. (Carli, 2008; Lumby & Funnell, 2011)

            In concern with sexual victims, it has been found that while a large number of sexual crimes have not been reported, there are three main reasons behind why a small percentage of women do approach police. These reasons being that they need sexual assault recognized as a crime, desire to raise awareness of sexual assault, and desire to protect others from experiencing the same circumstances. These circumstances are sometimes expressed as ostracism, disbelief, and hostility and rejection from the community and their own families. (Taylor & Norma, 2012)

Along with disbelief of sexual assault claims, comes rape myth acceptance, which distorts the definition of sexual assault and may lead law enforcement to doubt the legitimacy of a woman’s claim which could directly influence lawmakers from enacting appropriate legislation. Common rape myths include indirect tactics such as making positive comments about the accused as a “good” person, or the defendant asked for it, took extraordinary risks by dressing or behaving a certain way. (Franiuk, Seefelt, Cepress, & Vandello, 2008; McCormick, 2010) Sometimes, the violence the victim has experienced has not been interpreted or offered in context, which can also be directly noted as describing the victim in a negative light, or reporting substance abuse. (McCormick, 2010) Generally, sex crime victims in the media are portrayed as either a promiscuous woman who provoked the suspect, or an innocent woman who was overwhelmed. As sexual violence has increased on television, so has depictions of sexual victims as promiscuous women provoking sexual assault. It has also been noted that there is a confusion between sexual assault and rape. (Custers, Van den Bulck, 2012)

With the emergence of cyberfeminism, which is the radical potential of the internet to network, communicate, and mobilize on local and global scales on behalf of women, online responses begin to mimic trials by media. Accusations and evidence or wrongdoing are aired, and the presentation of offenders draws a strong parallel to the functions of the justice system. Online counter-publics may offer victims and survivors support and validation not seen in off-line context and offset imbalances. (Salter, 2013) This has been projected to produce “an increase in a punitive response toward offenders”. (Callanan, 2004)

Discussion:

            Callanan (2004) points out that sexual victims have been a dominant crime theme since the 1990’s (p.68) and this has been reflected in the media in many different ways, chiefly among them are distortion, (p. 61) and episodic coverage. (p. 65) Although the media prides itself on contributions to crime prevention and awareness, (Carli, 2008) it has also introduced a mounting concern regarding rape myths and victim blaming. Media has instigated rape myths and victim blaming (McCormick, 2010; Franiuk, Seefelt, Cepress, & Vandello, 2008) but may have also encouraged reporting sexual assaults, (Taylor & Norma, 2011) as well as more punitive measures. (Salter, 2013) This paper analyzed various articles involving ongoing sexual assault cases and discourse in the media across a wide area including the United Kingdom, the United States, Canada, and India from 2005 to 2013. Five media articles concerning sexual assault were reports on the conclusion of the trial period, five were articles for ongoing cases at the time, and four media articles were responses in reaction to sexual assault cases. This paper limited the analysis to three online news reports, two tabloid online news articles, and one online magazine article.

The analysis found several key themes emerged. These included sensationalism, distortion, rape culture, labelling, and victim blaming.

            Article 1: “All Charges Dropped in Duke Case”: North Carolina’s attorney general declared three former Duke University lacrosse players accused of sexually assaulting a stripper innocent of all charges on Wednesday, ending a prosecution that provoked bitter debate over race, class and the tactics of the Durham County district attorney. (Wilson, & Barstow, 2007)

            The prior article shows examples of labelling using criminal and deviant terms as “stripper” to describe the woman, meant to provoke moral outrage, and support for the defendants who were declared innocent. This small clip inscribes heternormativity, shows the ‘stripper’ in a transgressive light, and creates a newsworthy narrative.

Article 2: “’Rape victim’ weeps as she tells of moment doorman attacked her in celebrity nightclub”: A young woman who claims she was raped by a doorman at a celebrity club broke down in tears today as she told a court of the 'horrific' attack. (McDermott, 2009)

            This tabloid article gives a strong sense of sensationalism by using words such as ‘celebrity nightclub’ and “’horrific’ attack”. In reading the article further, a clear tone of victim blaming is presented by direct and indirect methods. (McCormick, 2010) Directly using negative language to describe the ‘rape victim’ and reporting on substance abuse, and indirectly by noting the accused has worked the exclusive club for the past six years, and claims the sexual act was consensual.

Article 3: “Six footballers jailed over gang rape of 12-year-old girls in midnight park orgy”: Six footballers who had a midnight sex orgy in a park with two 12-year-old girls, have been jailed. (Daily Mail Reporter, 2011)

            The tabloid noted above holds a strong sense of distortion especially in the facts of the case presented. The headline implies the suspects are at fault with a deviant term such as ‘gang rape’ but in using a descriptor such as ‘orgy, which is a consensual activity, implies that the convicted are not entirely to blame. (Custers & Van den Bulck, 2012) This is continued in vein throughout the article with words such as ‘Lolitas’, and noting that the schoolgirls ‘encouraged’ the convicted.

            Article 4: “Rape Case Unfolds on Web and Splits City’: HOURS AFTER SUNSET, the cars pulled up, one after another, bringing dozens of teenagers from several nearby high schools to an end-of-summer party in August in a neighborhood here just off the main drag. (Macure & Schweber, 2012)

            The very prominent Steubenville Rape case has had a strong sense of sensationalism throughout the media, even attracting notice overseas especially via the internet. This is apparent in the article title itself, almost a tongue in cheek note made on the topics’ popularity. The article is presented during the ongoing trial, and is contextualized, establishing the history and involvement of Alexandria Goddard, a prime example of a cyberfeminist. (Powell, 2010) Here also we see strong movement for punitive measures.

Article 5: “Trial by Twitter: After high-school football stars were accused of rape, online vigilantes demanded that justice be served. Was it?”

This article, which was completed after the accused were convicted in the Steubenville Rape case, mentions rape culture prominently throughout in reference to other media such as New York Times’ columnist Nicholas Kristof as well as by some of the interviewed people, and by the author, to clear up misconceptions about the term. (Levy, 2013) This article fixates on whether or not punitive measures have been exacted to everyone’s’ satisfaction.

Article 6: “U.S. judge apologizes for comments on teen rape victim: Protesters seek his resignation for saying victim was 'older than her chronological age'”

In this article we are shown that victim blaming was caught by the media from the judges’ remarks about the age of the victim, and a backlash began, resulting in the judge apologizing for his remarks. The mother of the rape victim directly accused the judge of victim blaming. There is also mention in the article of an online petition calling for the judges’ resignation.

Conclusion:

It is noted that in the articles included, sensationalism and distortion contributed heavily to begin the perceived moral panic of rape culture. With such methods as victim blaming and labelling, the prior methods are strengthened in a continuing feedback loop. This feedback loop resulted in awareness of the moral panic of sexual assault and rape culture, and will likely be a sensationalized topic for quite some time.

Reference List:

Books, Book chapters

Callanan, Valerie J. (2004). Feeding the Fear of Crime: Crime-Related Media and Support for Three Strikes. New York, NY, USA: LFB Scholarly Publishing LLC.

Retrieved from http://site.ebrary.com/id/10115170?ppg=61

McCormick, Chris. (2010). Constructing Danger: Emotions and the Mis/Representation of Crime in the News. Canada: Fernwood Publishing

 Journal Articles

Carli, Vivien. (2008). The Media, Crime Prevention and Urban Safety: A Brief Discussion on Media Influence and Areas for Further Exploration. International Centre for the Prevention of Crime.

Retrieved from http://site.ebrary.com/id/10350758?ppg=1

Powell, Anastasia. (2010). Configuring Consent: Emerging Technologies, Unauthorized Sexual Images and Sexual Assault. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Criminology 2010 43: 76. DOI: 10.1375/acri.43.1.76

Salter, Michael. (2013). Justice and revenge in online counter-publics: Emerging responses to sexual violence in the age of social media. Crime, Media, Culture, published online 11 July 2013, DOI: 10.1177/1741659013493918

Custers, Kathleen & Van den Bulck, Jan. (2013) The Cultivation of Fear of Sexual Violence in Women: Processes and Moderators of the Relationship Between Television and Fear. Communication Research 2013 40: 96. DOI: 10.1177/0093650212440444

Lumby, Catharine & Funnell, Nina. (2011). Between heat and light: The opportunity in moral panics. Crime, Media, Culture 2011 7: 277. DOI: 10.1177/1741659011417606

Taylor, S. Caroline & Norma, Caroline. (2012). The ''Symbolic Protest'' Behind Women's Reporting of Sexual Assault Crime to Police. Feminist Criminology 2012 7: 24. DOI: 10.1177/1557085111420416

Franiuk, Renae. Seefelt, Jennifer L., Cepress, Sandy L,, & Vandello, Joseph A. (2008). Prevalence and Effects of Rape Myths in Print Journalism: The Kobe Bryant Case. Violence Against Women 2008 14: 287. DOI: 10.1177/1077801207313971

Newspaper Articles

The Associated Press, (2013) “U.S. judge apologizes for comments on teen rape victm”, CBC News, 29 August 2013, available at

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/u-s-judge-apologizes-for-comments-on-teen-rape-victim-1.1411707

Daily Mail Reporter (2011) “Six footballers jailed over gang rape of 12-year-old girls in midnight park orgy”, Daily Mail UK, 17 March 2011, available at

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367377/Six-footballers-jailed-gang-rape-12-year-old-girls-midnight-park-orgy.html

Levy, A. (2013) “Trial by Twitter”, The New Yorker, 5 August 2013, available at

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2013/08/05/130805fa_fact_levy?currentPage=all

McDermott, N. (2009) ‘”Rape Victim” weeps as she tells of moment doorman attacked her in celebrity nightclub’, Daily Mail UK, 10 November 2009, available at

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1226514/Girl-thrown-street-celebrity-club-rape-toilets.html

Macur, J. and Schweber, N. (2012) “Rape Case Unfolds on Web and Splits City”, The New York Times, 16 December 2012, available at

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/17/sports/high-school-football-rape-case-unfolds-online-and-divides-steubenville-ohio.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

Wilson, D. and Barstow, D. (2007) ‘All Charges Dropped in Duke Case’. The New York Times, 12 April 2007, available at http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/12/us/12duke.html?pagewanted=all.

Real Strength is...

There has been a question of what makes a strong person constantly on my mind ever since I read an article speaking about how there really are no strong female characters. 

Buffy from the TV show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" has been introduced as a classic example of a Strong Female Character. But, she's physically strong. Which is what makes her considered strong.

The article is accurate in that it points out how most women who are portrayed as strong have many "masculine qualities," which then get downplayed by "feminine qualities" portrayed in a derogatory manner, such as being a heap big vampire slayer, but then crying and asking Angel or Riley or Spike to guide her during a self crisis.

Okay, really? You don't need to be physically strong to be labelled as a strong character.

Strongest person I've ever seen on TV: Annemarie Kessler from Grimm.

She's absolutely physically strong. Knife scars all over her body, attacked 3 times, recovering from chemotherapy, and still manages to knife open the gut of a would-be assassin. She should automatically be awarded  Most Badass Supporting Character in Existence just for that scene.

All over strong: acknowledges that there are problems or mistakes she needs to deal with, and does it. No avoidance, no excuses, a simple sorry. Now that is some kind of strength of character. Most of us simply just can't do that.

Strength, for me, is about holding firm under pressure or force. There will always be ebbs and flows, but the important thing to me, is to realize that the ability to be strong is there, even if I need reminders from those around me. Strength is realizing that sometimes you need help.

The point isn't that you show no emotion, or cry in private, or don't let things bother you. The point is that you're still around, still kicking, and doing whatever you can to be the best you can personally be, and to strive to improve, to be you, however and whoever you want to be.

Roll with the punches, people. Start acknowledging how strong you really are.

You don't have to kick someone's ass, or be emotionless, or not rely on anyone else but yourself.

Just keep going.Never give up.

Now THAT is strength.

A Bright Eyed Skeptic

I was attempting to complete some homework for my political science course, when the author mentioned a situation in which he described two different personality types. These were; "a bright eyed student, whom shyness has never been a problem," and the student who exudes an air of hard nosed worldly wisdom."

I realized this triggered something, and I just. Needed. To. Write.

I've been much busier than I would like lately. When I haven't been hopping from class to class to work, I've been studying or working on CHSR stuff. Which is fine. It's important. These things still matter to me.

However, I've begun to notice that I have flat out not been socializing with friends, and that I haven't given myself time to really relax as much as usual. I haven't been working out, I've barely been eating, and when I do, it's crap stuff that makes me feel terrible, and I haven't been writing about it.

I feel lately like I am a bright eyed skeptic. I am highly motivated, eager, energetic, but at the back of my head, as I'm going through the motions, all I can think is: "Man, this is a waste of my time. I'd rather be at home right now sleeping in."

I don't actually think it's a waste of my time. But I am really craving that time that makes me less cranky. Less prone to those moments where I want to toss my hands in the air and say "Nope."

I was at an appointment today and I was told to just sit for a few minutes. I was detached from my phone, my homework, my laptop, and any source of stimulation other than some calming music in the corner.

It was the second most relaxing activity I'd done all month. (The first being relaxing snuggles with my SO.)

So I got to thinking. Is it time to maybe center myself again by limiting myself from doing anything for at least an hour every day? Put the phone on silent, hide away the laptop, stick some calming music on, and do absolutely gloriously nothing, but stare out the window at that damned pretty tree outside my window?

Will this calm down the crankiness in the morning? The incessant desire to punch people out that are bothering me just by talking to me? The temptation to bang my head on the desk in the middle of class?? Will it tone down on the skepticism and bring out that bright eyed bubbly self I know I can be?

All I know is if I don't start handing stressers off to other people, I am most likely going to flip the world the bird, and walk off into the sunset muttering "NOPENOPENOPE!"

The Oatmeal just gets me.

I *AM* Happy

I've been doing some serious thinking lately.

Stop laughing.

I've been thinking about my future, my goals, my present, my money concerns, and my attitude towards it all.

I'm a big fan of self deprecation jokes, as clearly evidenced above. When people ask me how I'm doing it all, or how much they admire my work ethic, I laugh it off, attempting to make myself the butt of a joke.

That's all well and good, but today, I began to think differently.

I ran into an old high school friend, and he greeted me, asked me how I was, and I jokingly responded "I'm tired."

His quick reply was "You look happy."

Now for those of you who Facebook stalk me, you're already aware of one of my immediate conclusions to this, which was to agree, but I got to thinking...

Why do I constantly put myself down like that? Why do I brush off my accomplishments? Why am I making something so important to me such a joke?

I think part of it has to do with the fact that when you start talking about yourself, even if you are proud of something you've done, society tells you not to brag.

Well I'm not trying to brag, I just want to talk about my happiness about how well I've done. Society then tells us no, you can't be happy you're not allowed to be happy, because someone else in the world isn't happy either.

When you go against something that is a convention (Convention is a fancy new word I learned in my political science class, which is basically an expected norm governed by political rule, meaning if you don't follow it, you are punished politically. Here I mean it in the terms of a societal convention.) in modern society, you hesitate to stomp all over it for fear of the repercussions. The repercussions here is that no one will like you, nor will they talk to you.

Some people may think that those who have been bullied in their childhood (like me) think they develop the defense mechanism of just not caring what others think, but for many of us, it couldn't be farther than the truth.

I'm now aware that I don't talk myself up because I don't want people to stop talking to me, even if I don't like them. I know now that I make jokes at my expense when someone brings up one of my successes, or my apparently prodigious (Digimon reference insert here) work ethic because I don't want them to feel like I'm belittling them or making them feel less.

"Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself-and be lenient to everybody else." ― Henry Ward Beecher

I have this quote above my desk because it helps me continue to try to do even better, to push myself to more extremes. I continue to make fun of my accomplishments, but what I'm doing are just that, accomplishments.

Everything I have worked to has taken a great deal of effort on my part, and frankly, I think it's about time I start patting myself on the back. I can be as harsh a mistress as I would like, but it's about time I reward myself as well.

Because I'm happy, gorramn it! And I hope that you, reader, are doing something that makes you proud of yourself at least once every day.

Today's accomplishment: Allowing myself some much needed downtime. Reward? CHOCOLATE! *noms*

Underappreciation

It's beginning to feel this week like we all need some peace and quiet and time to relax. We all seem stressed to the max, and everyone in my life has been projecting mad amounts of aggravation.

Chill bros, just chill.

I can joke about this because I'm 5 minutes away from munching on some chocolate and making myself up a Soy Chocolate Chai Latte on the stove. Mmmm Chocolate/caffeine fixes...

But seriously, it feels like everyone I know - me included - is suffering from high amounts of under-appreciation.

We normally put a lot of work into what we do, right? Especially if it's something we believe in, or something we want to succeed. The amounts of energy I have put into some of my projects could power a few hundred rockets into space!

But what happens if that work isn't acknowledged? What if it's brushed off, or accepted as the status quo even when it's clear that you went above and beyond? What if - horror of horrors - someone else took credit for it?

Well first things first, no matter what you do after the last is look petty if you correct them about whose idea it was. But the fact of the matter is - give the credit where credit is due. Otherwise, your hatred or hurt is going to simmer on a backburner for a very long time. So politely correct another's false idea, describe the momentum behind the project and how you came to that idea to the endpoint it is at now to back up your argument, and mention the endgoals you have concerning that project.

I have had work brushed off. I have had a lot of work brushed off. I have watched many people attempt to take credit for it, and I've realized at the end of the day, that where my resentment comes from is not just from under-appreciation, but it's from being overlooked.

We are all staring at people and screaming inside our heads "LOOK at me! SEE me! I am VALUED and I want you to treat me as such!"

Well, if you want to be treated as such, start treating others the same way. It ain't called the Golden Rule for nuthin' folks.

I personally find at the end of the day, that under-appreciation hurts just a little bit less, when I've helped someone else feel legitimately valued.

So, say it truthfully, say it often, folks. Just let those who come into your life know that they really are valued.

Please Support Me

I sit here in triumph, because my first assignment has been passed back to me and I received 90%! Woo hoo!

It's been a busy, frantic first week, and I have been trying to establish a routine and find my footing in the strange yet unfamiliar settings. In trying to find a balance, I've discovered that some things just do not work for me.

I'm taking four courses on recommendation of the Academic Adviser I went to, and those four courses are Law, Power, and Politics, The Messenger: Journalism and Storytelling, World History, and Crime and the Media. I'm taking my political science every Monday,Wednesday and Friday  around noon, then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm in class from 10 am until 1 pm, for my History and Journalism class, and I have my one night class at around 5 pm.

I have discovered in my first week the following very important points;

1) I'm in a better mood. Because I work on Sundays, Mondays, Fridays, and Saturdays, enjoying my classes makes my work seem less stressful, and I am in a happier mood. Especially on Fridays and Mondays.

2) I have no Mondays. Granted, this also means I have no Fridays or weekend, since I will always either be going to class or work, but it means I can't explain my blahs on a day, and it makes it harder for me to be negative.

3) I hate having to actually think before noon. Normally, because of the majority of my work shifts have been nights, I've slept until 10 am, laid in bed for two hours, and maybe started getting up around noon to drink coffee. This means I've been racing out to my morning classes, bagel clenched firmly in teeth, coffee thermos clutched to test to grab a cab to make it on time. But, I'm getting better about catching the buses. And I *hate* being late for classes...

4) I really am an introvert. That time block on Tuesdays and Thursdays kills me a little inside. Stay on campus for 5 odd hours, or catch the bus back home, to read through assignments and cook some food? Well, I've discovered that being on campus constantly around people drains all the energy out of me, so I have to go back home to recharge.

5) I don't like night classes. I used to love them in my first and second years. (You know, the ones where I undoubtedly was hungover until 3 pm?) But this one night class? Phew. I have to drink some form of caffeine during it, otherwise I start to nod off. Plus, this one is in an awkward time frame around where supper is.

6) I get to see my boyfriend a lot more. This is awesome, because I like him, and I'm always popping down to the radio station to rewrite my class notes and check in, and I get to run into him more. Plus, since we're both students again, we have more things to talk about, which makes hanging out more fun.

7) My time management skills are boss. Seriously, I'm working 4 days out of the week, going to school for 5 days, I have a bunch of volunteer jobs I'm doing, and I'm now writing for the student newspapers. I'm awesome.

8) I love my student fees. Seriously, I have dental coverage now. Do you realize how awesome that is?

9) Journalism is the silver tongued devil. Why do I say this? Because it's wooing me. It's wooing me hard. I'm seriously thinking of double majoring in Criminology and Journalism.

10) I reward myself for a job well done. I say this while currently chowing down sushi and inhaling green tea, because I decided that getting an A- on my first paper is cause for celebration. As long as I don't dwell on possible shortcomings, and reward myself for good behavior (like finishing my note taking for the day and reading this weeks' entertainment novel instead of working further on assignments due later on down the road, or getting an A on a paper and gorging myself on sushi.) then I'm sure I'll remain reasonably sane.

The only thing I'll have to remember is to let myself sleep properly. Last night I was up until 4 am!

So please, follow my tenth point when talking to me about my new aspirations in life. Yes, I am very aware I can easily burn out, but pointing this out to me more often will make me dwell on it and stress more than I need to. Instead, ask how those week's classes are going, or if I'm excited for something else happening this week.

After all, I know for a fact I can do this, but your job as my friends and acquaintances is to support me in my endeavors just like I attempt to support yours.

Much love, everyone.

Welcome Back to University...

For those who weren't aware, I've been out of university since 2008, working (or not) and essentially avoiding even the thought of having to write papers. But this summer, I caved, and finally decided to head back.

I submitted my late application before the deadline, was approved a week later (yay) and I am now currently fighting with Student Loans to rehabituate my loans so I don't have to pay all of this out of my own pocket.

I'm also dealing with the rather unsettling experience of knowing that I will most likely be the oldest student in all of the courses I'm attending.

My two friends, M and T are having the same experience, and from what I can tell, they're going through it the same way I am: with loads of cynicism, coffee, and confidence.

Confidence? And we're all still uneasy? Well, if you weren't a freshman, you might understand.

Mature students are called mature because they've been on their own, and know things that freshmen still have to figure out. I'm not saying we're world weary, but I am saying we're laughing at the really arrogant frosh in our courses, because we know that attitude will be kicked out of them by the time finals roll around.

Older students tend to have a better idea of where they want to fit in the world, and what actions it'll take to get there. Frosh are understandably going to take a few years to figure this out.

BUT, if you are a Frosh, I'm sure you'll enjoy this next part much more, as it won't come off as condescending to you.

So, I made the point of searching out my classrooms so I wouldn't get lost, and I checked all over for the deals for books, and I even planned out the bus schedule to arrive on time.

Well, my first two days, I was late to my History class, because I got turned around in a building, I waited outside my Journalism class and was almost late because I couldn't figure out if the classroom was open yet or not, my Criminology class lasted only 20 minutes and the professor was late herself, and my Political Science class had homework assigned before we'd even all been sitting in it for 10 minutes.

Actually, ALL of my professors have already assigned homework. Which require textbooks I can't buy yet at the bookstore with hour long lines because I have no money yet, and I can't print out my assignment because I have yet to buy ink for my printer.

Also, I still have work to get through tonight, and the Ovarian Cancer Canada Walk of Hope to volunteer at tomorrow.

What happened to the first easy week of University?? Why does it feel like everything has changed since I've been here?

And can someone please tell me where I go to pick up an orientation kit?!

*runs off to catch the bus to work*

Teaser #1

I'm currently working on a book idea that I've been fighting with for the past year. The idea has been very stubborn in making its way out, and I finally decided to let it have its way with me. The result was that every so often I get a jump of motivation and a scene from the book completely plays itself out in my mind and I get to run for a writing device to get it out so I can think of something -anything- other than what my muse is walloping me with above the head.

This scene is just before a mortal is introduced, so to speak, to all the different pantheons. Loki, who has taken an interest in her, is attempting to convince her otherwise, but her curiosity wins out and she insists on being taken to the Halls of the Pantheons themselves. So Loki places what could otherwise be called a geis, a protection or marking of a sort essentially marking her as "his", and under his protection. This is explained in greater detail later on.

It popped into my head for a possible plot involving Nephilim, because so many fun things could happen when you put one specific example of Judeo-Christianity dumped into all the other pantheons you could think of. What ended up happening was this perfect scene mover, as I like to call it. All kinds of foreboding, and foreshadowing and fore- Well, Loki is a bit of a perv, but he hasn't managed to get in her pants yet, although not for lack of trying.

I've yet to flesh out the female protagonist, other than basing her on what I think are my best qualities - snarky, stubborn, and possibly too curious for her own good. So for those who know me, this might just scream me. Woops. Oh well.

I especially enjoy this scene because the beginning illustrates what people seem to forget in relation to religion, which is that society has watered it down, and put their own spin on it. All of this mythology that came into existence was here for a reason in response to some very real emotions, and are meant to represent some very strong concepts. They didn't call them Guardian Angels for nuthin'. And they had to do their fair share of fighting. They're not just cuddly, they're powerful. We should never forget that.

Enjoy your sneak peek.

*

She was scratching designs into the soft wooden bench when he came to get her. He peered over her shoulder and snorted at the weeping angel she had drawn.

"You have no idea what angels really look like, do you?" He asked her seriously, clasping his palms behind his back. She glared at him, and stuck her fountain pen behind her ear, before standing up and swinging her messenger bag around her shoulders.

"And you do?' she scowled, her fingers in a death grip on the strap. He smirked, and leaned over the bench, passing a hand over her design as if to brush something off it. She leaned over, curious in spite of herself, and saw the ink resettling into a blurry image with wings, attacking another, while flames danced around them. The closer she went, the more details she made out, the swords and spears they were holding, the sandals wrapped around their feet, the cloth wrapped around their torsos and the bracers on their arms, how the fire seemed to surround them...

She jumped back with a yelp, as the flames finally engulfed the bench whole, and Loki laughed beside her.

"One of the hazards of attempting to recreate their image, I'm afraid." He grinned, quite unrepentant. He held out his hand, and she raised an eyebrow. He shrugged and went back to clasping his hands together.

"Walking the Halls themselves tend to be a bad idea for mortals. You need a guide, a-" he waggled his eyebrows a little "-an escort, you know? Otherwise, I can't promise your safety."

She stepped up to him, gingerly linking her hand around his arm. "Weren't you just telling me you can't promise me anything?" He chuckled in response to this, and began to haul her along. The walls seemed to move uncommonly fast, until she suspected he was getting them there faster.

"True. Nice to know you're not ignoring me when I'm talking my head off at you." He smirked at her, trying to get a reaction. She finally caught up to his walk and took strides as long as his. "Well, I could try to ignore you, but you do talk quite a bit. Some of it is bound to get through." She muttered back, giving up keeping her fountain pen by her ear and tossing it in her bag.

Loki laughed again at her snipe, shook his head, and stopped them abruptly at a large set of wooden doors, with dark iron hinges and handles set along very detailed carvings. He turned to her, capturing both her hands before she could yank them away, and raised them to his lips.

"Now listen to me very carefully here, mortal. There are things behind this door that mean you harm, and would be entertained by your suffering." His blue eyes were intent on her, and her cheeks began to heat up from the close proximity, but when she attempted to take a step back, he jerked her forward, and kissed her forehead. "Trickster I might be, but you're my foolish mortal, and I don't want to share."

She slapped a hand over her forehead and swore at the stinging sensation, before pulling her hand away to look for blood. "I'm not your property, Loki, no matter how mortal I am, and I'd love it if you could remember that." She tossed at him bitterly, rubbing her forehead. He grabbed her hand again, and placed it in his former position on his arm, grinning at her tightly.

"I do love a woman with spunk, but what you're about to walk into is something you can't understand. It's nothing to do with gender or race or even cultural habits. You are quite simply inferior to them. And you mean nothing to them but as a toy for their amusement." For once, his blue eyes were serious, and seemed carved from ice. He looked down, studying her fingers on his arm, before returning his gaze to her face. Her pulse had adequately jumped from his warning, and she inhaled then exhaled sharply, before securing her grip on his arm, and staring straight ahead at the doors.

"Last chance to walk away, my curious one." Loki said softly. Her chin jerked up abruptly and she narrowed her eyes and licked her lips nervously.

"But would I still be as curious if I walked away now?" She asked, her voice dipping in tone to correspond with her anxiety. She jumped when she felt his hand cover hers and give a slight squeeze. Did he mean to be comforting? She thought, trying to ignore the tension in her shoulders.

Loki removed his hand from hers and paused before pushing the doors open. "I don't think you know how not to be curious. Just like I know you're too stubborn to back away now." He turned to her and winked, no longer serious, all mischievousness. "I do so like the stubborn ones."

He pushed the doors open, and they walked through.

Tips For Entering "The Real World" : Finances, Health, and Education

Universities, schools, and parents all have this annoying habit of telling us we're not ready for the real world, then neglecting to teach us how to be. Instead, they'll handle the paperwork, bills, and even our meal planning. So if you're about to leave the house of your parental units and want to know what's up, keep reading. I'll try to make this as painless as possible.

Tips for Finances

1. Estimate how many hours you work in a week, times that by 9.50 (to account for any taxes taken from your paycheck) and times that by 4. That's your monthly income. The formula is:

[hours worked in a week x (hourly wage - .50)] x 4 = monthly income

Now add up all your monthly bills including rent, utilities, home phone, cell phone, insurance, savings, and payments. These are your fixed expenses. Subtract your fixed expenses from your monthly income. You should have some left over. The money left over is for your variable expenses, which include transportation, clothing, food, and entertainment. You should always pay your fixed expenses before putting money towards your variable expenses. Money left over is called discretionary income. This is called a budget.

2. Saving sounds stupid now, because you really want to buy that pre-release online, or there's these shoes you were looking at, but it pays off later, in case of unexpected expenses, like if you lose your job, or break your computer. Plus, if you save enough up, you could take a few days off work and have a vacation.

3. It's a good idea to apply for a credit card and set it aside in case of large amounts of unexpected expenses. That way if your savings account can't handle it, your credit card can. Just remember not to overspend more than your monthly income. That way if something happens (like job loss) you won't still have problems paying it off.

4. ALWAYS PAY YOUR TAXES. I can't stress this enough. I have a friend who hasn't paid his taxes in years and had to go bankrupt in order to pay the government back. So remember, make an appointment in March to get your taxes done and do it every year, to avoid a lot of grief.

5. Keep receipts of everything, and store these in a small filing cabinet or folder. They normally sell these for cheap in office supplies stores. Not only will these keep you appraised of how much money you're spending and where, it's handy for tax and finance purposes.

6. Save up your small change. Servers do this with their tips regularly. I suggest this because if you're having a hard month and you need extra money, this will save you in a pinch. Just set aside two or three containers for change and designate one for toonies, one for loonies, and one for quarters. You can even do the same with nickels and dimes as well. Every month, deposit the change in your savings account. It'll add up quickly, and save you from a lot of stress.

7. When estimating how much something will cost, round up, not down. That way, when getting groceries, you'll be pleasantly surprised at the amount of cash you have left over, not scrambling in your pockets for more change.

8. Looking to get a vehicle, nicer apartment, or expensive piece of equipment? Talk to someone at your bank. They'll help you figure out what you can afford, and what monthly payments won't hurt your pocket. They'll also walk you through the process of applying for loans.

9. Insurance is a must. Life insurance, car insurance, tenant insurance, health insurance... Make sure you have these. They protect you from really bad things happening, like a car accident, or your apartment burning down, and all for a small monthly fee. Call your bank to ask for more details.

10. Never be afraid to shop around for better prices. It's your money, you get to determine how to spend it, and if you'd prefer to spend less money for better services, that's your call, not anyone elses' decision.

Tips for Health

1. Eat as healthy as possible. Only have your junk food once a week if possible. Our metabolisms slow down the older we get, and starting this now will save you a lot of trouble later on.

2. Never skip breakfast. Eat the biggest breakfast you can shove in your face. If you need help waking up, try to keep to one cup of coffee/tea a day and drink orange juice instead. It contains natural ingredients that won't throw your sleep cycle off.

3. Sleep at least 8 hours a day. This is non-negotiable. If you stay up too late, make sure you compensate by sleeping in a little longer than usual. Not only will this make you easier to be around (less irritable and nice) but you'll be more productive throughout your day, therefore negating the need to pull all-nighters.

4. Drink water as much as possible, especially right after you wake up in the morning. You've been sleeping, and your body is dehydrated. Use this rule for needing to know if you need to drink more water: the darker your urine, the more water you need to drink. It flushes out your system, fills you up a little more if you don't have time to eat, keeps your metabolism running smoothly so you aren't gaining extra weight, and a glass of water can even make a headache go away. Also, remember this: ice water stimulates your metabolism, making you hungrier, and hot water fills you up more, making it nearly impossible for you to over eat.

5. Cut your soda drinking down. WAY down. Less than once a week, even, and only in small amounts. The soda you're drinking not only eats away at your teeth causing expensive dentist bills, but it eats away at your stomach, messing up your metabolism, making your skin more prone to breakouts, but is FULL of fats that are not good for you, not to mention the fact that all that caffeine will disturb your sleep and make you irritable. Oh, and did I forget to mention that when I personally stopped drinking soda as much, I lost ten pounds? Yeah, I thought that might help.

6. Do some form of exercise for at least 30 minutes every day. EVERY day. I don't mean you have to work out, but at least go for a walk. Why? Your body will move easier, your metabolism will thank you for it, you'll find it easier to sleep at night, you'll get an endorphin rush and feel great after. It's hard to get started, but when you do, stick to it. It'll keep you healthier for longer, and decrease the amount of sick days you have as well.

7. If you do work out, take it slow. Don't expect too much, and remember to alternate body area days. For example, if one day you work solely on legs, the next day, you should work on arms. Your body needs a day of rest for those joints, to build up endurance and stamina.

8. If you're having problems eating healthy, start by challenging yourself. Try cooking a healthy meal once every two weeks, then once every week, then once every other day and... You get the point. Your body will begin to crave all the healthy food you're trying to make, and all those recipes you can find online will help with that.

9. Multivitamins, multivitamins, multivitamins. These are wonderful creations, and I suggest everyone take a multivitamin a day. I strongly recommend One a Day for both men and women, especially the ones with added calcium. Just remember to take one every day, with a meal. Like that huge breakfast you should be making yourself.

10. If you're going to go to a restaurant, try to make it once a week at most. Save it for a treat and really make it worth it, especially if it's going to be not so healthy food. Why? Their food portion sizes are three to four sizes too big for what we all should be eating. The more you eat in one sitting, the more food you'll crave all the time.

Tips for School

1. Never select early morning classes, unless you're sure you're an early morning riser. As in super early morning. Why? You'll need to eat, shower, get dressed, fix your hair, gather your books and notes and homework, and get to the class. I recommend allowing for two hours to get ready, that way you have time to get your lazing, coffee drinking, or workout out of the way, and another half hour for possible transportation delays.

2. As soon as you're out of class, rewrite your notes. Not only will they be neater, and easier to read in preparation for quizzes or exams, but it'll remind you of any forgotten homework as well as refresh the material in your head. Make notes beside concepts you don't understand, and bring them up next class. Plus, if they're neat and well written enough, with plenty of references to the concepts in the textbooks, it's very possible you can sell them to the other members of your class. You know, the less prepared ones, who aren't making as good grades as you.

3. ALWAYS immediately write your homework or readings in your agenda. If you don't have an agenda, get a cheap one at your local bookstore, or head down to the student bookstore or student union building. They normally hand out agendas at the beginning of the year, as is included in your student fees.

4. Check your agenda every night. That way if you have an essay due, or readings to get done, you won't forget about them or lag behind the rest of the class. Doing the readings and rewriting your class notes every day right after your class will ensure you don't spend as much time doing homework, which will leave you more time to have fun.

5. If you're sick or unable to attend a class, email the professor of the class you're missing RIGHT AWAY to inform them. Some of them give class participation marks. That way, you can keep up to date on the classes you've missed. Plus, you can also make an appointment with them to discuss the material from the classes you've missed, and be informed of any possible exam questions that might have been hinted at.

6. Stay after class to talk to the teacher, and discuss the topic from that class. Why? It shows appreciation for the professor, who puts a lot of work into the material they're preparing for you, and makes you and them more invested in the class. You can think of it as brown nosing, sucking up, or whatever you like, but they are up there doing a service for your life to be better, and they are NOT paid very well. Give them the respect anyone deserves and show you don't think of them as a robot.

7. Buy the textbooks. Don't rent or borrow them. I know, I know, it costs money, but it'll be a lot easier to study for that big final if you have your own that is the correct edition. Plus, there are some teachers that insist upon you writing or highlighting in your textbooks. I even had one professor who had us scratch out sentences, draw pictures, and write in all the margins of one book. Big plus: when you have the right edition.

8. Go to every class. What do you think you're paying for? Yes, an education, but it's the entire experience you're looking for. There are some teachers who give out class participation marks to those who show up. Plus there's pop quizzes, tests to hand back out, exam question hints to be dropped, and a professor and class to respect by showing up. If you honestly feel like you can learn better at home, reading from the textbook, take distance courses online. Work the rest of your life around your education, because that's how it'll be mostly painless.

9. Bring a bottle of water and some kind of healthy snack to every class, and remember to use the washroom beforehand. Some professors prefer you to stay in your seat, and if you start to squirm from a full bladder or empty stomach, better to be prepared. Smokers, I feel for you, because you're going to be SOL your entire education.

10. Don't be afraid to ask for help. See an academic adviser at least once every year. Take advantage of student services and see that health care professional. Are therapy or psychiatry options available? Do it! Talk to your professors when you're unsure of something. Ask your administration for support. Being stubborn and trying to do it alone is pointless, You'll have plenty of other opportunities to do that later in life.

"Sonny and Clarke" Part One

Sonny's eyes roved around the office, looking everywhere but at the woman in front of him. It was the only thing about him that really indicated his unease. He was seated comfortably in the cushioned chair, slouched slightly, his hands clasped confidently in his lap, his shoulders back, and chin up. Even his face was approachable. His eyes sparkled, and his mouth was quirked into a slight smile, one corner of his lips up tilted, so that at any second, he might share his joke with you.

"Sonny? Am I saying that right?" the woman asked. Not even her sudden question made him react in surprise. Heather, that was her name, he remembered.

"Yeah, my parents had a thing for Sonny and Cher. Before they broke up, I'm guessing," he replied in a wry tone. He caught a quick glance of Heather's lips curving in response, before she pursed them and schooled her features back into a more sympathetic, friendly one.

"So what would you like to talk about today, Sonny?" Heather asked, smoothing her fingers over her notepad. It was a calming gesture, Sonny remembered, from when he had read up on body language. It was back when he had been really worried about asking girls out, and had overcompensated by getting his hands on everything he could think of that would help.

Clarke laughing, coughing, Sonny pulling him by the shirt across the cement. Clarke's eyes open wide in shock -

"Sonny?" Heather's voice brought him back to the office with a jerk, and he shoved his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Yeah, sorry. Look, I just have a lot on my mind right now. I'm having trouble focusing on one thing." he finally replied, dropping his hands back into his lap.

Heather looked down at her notepad. "Well, how about we start with when you first met Clarke?"

Sonny's chin jerked up quickly, defensively, then he settled himself. "We were in school together. Just turned around one day and started shooting the shit." He belatedly realized the woman across from him might not like swearing. "Sorry." He added quickly.

She was definitely smiling now. She scribbled something down. "So you just talked in class, or..?"

"We hung out a few times outside of class. Nothing too big. I dunno. I'm not sure how we ended up friends. But there was a point we spent pretty much every day together." Heather continued scribbling, then looked up at him., nodding to him encouragingly. "I'm not sure who suggested it first, but we decided to be roommates. So we started looking around together for places that were affordable. He had another friend who needed a place, and asked if it was cool to include them too, and I agreed. I mean why not? Cheaper rent."

"So it didn't bother you that Clarke just included someone else in your plans?" Heather interrupted. Sonny shrugged. "It could have, but at least he asked first, you know?" She nodded in response, and continued scribbling away in her book. Sonny took that as a sign to continue.

"Well at first, Clarke would never drink. Never party, nothing. He just flat out avoided it. I mean, I know why he avoided it. Same reason I did at first, my first year in school." Heather looked up at this, and before she could even open her mouth, he answered her unspoken question.

"Neither of us wanted to be our parents."

Want to read the rest of this short story? Stay glued to my Facebook fan page for more updates on the second part of my short story, "Sonny and Clarke"!

Don't Pretend Otherwise

I took the time to read an article today, found here, and it made me want to address some of the comments about transgender issues that I commonly hear.

My first interaction with someone who was in the process of becoming a different gender was my mother's friend Sonya when I was twelve.

Sonya was very tall, had muscles I envied, and long blond tightly braided hair. Her color of choice to wear was normally pink, which I personally couldn't agree with (I was quite the tomboy) and her skin held a tan much better than my own. Her voice was deeper than most women I knew of, and I could have sworn she had a 3 o'clock shadow, like Dad did. (Back when he shaved regularly, anyway.)

I remember asking my mom about it, and she explained to me that Sonya used to be a man, but felt more comfortable being a woman. I remember retorting (much to my parents' embarrassment and Sonya's entertainment) "What's so great about being a woman? We have periods and end up getting knocked up and there's never any cool clothes like the guys get to wear."

Obviously I've gotten over those feelings (although I still have a distaste for pink) and I'm finally happy in my own skin.

But there, I'm happy in my own skin. Isn't that why people are deciding that they are no longer male or female? They're not happy in their own skin.

I would be the first to stand up and agree that pretending to be something you're not can be one of the worst things to have to deal with. Imagine having to deal with that every day, with something as important to society as your gender.

We seem to be so fixated on it. At birth, boys are given blue and girls are given pink, to differentiate them. They start growing up, and boys get jeans, girls get skirts. A few more years down the road, girls get dolls and boys get trucks. For my fourth birthday, my parents gave me a little plastic kitchen to play with, and I was upset because I wanted one of those Nerf guns so I could shoot my friends. (I was a violent little thing. I obviously didn't care for the assumed girl toys, either.)

First, I'd like to share a popular picture on the internet that makes a lot of sense.

Makes me snicker every time I read it.

Really, people. Let the kids play with what they want. What do you care? They're kids. Remember when they used to only play with boxes or stacked things to create a building? They're toys, meant to entertain. If they're entertaining your kid, or someones' kids, they're doing their job. That's the point. Move on, you irritating idiot. Stop complaining about pointless crap.

I've also heard as a comment that this "transgender thing is just a phase". I've also heard that about bisexuality and gay and lesbianism. (Please correct me if my tenses for any of these are incorrect.) Listen, for some it may indeed be a phase. We don't come to know who we are without experimentation and finding out what we do and do not like. But that is for that person to decide, not for your big flapping gob to spew out.

Yes, there are children deciding they aren't happy being the gender they were born with. That's perfectly okay and understandable considering the world we live in today. Let them figure it out, support them along the way, and keep your poison to yourself. It is not okay to treat children like crap because of your own opinions. Ever.

There's also the religious opinion that God made us as we are now, and changing His work is sinful. Please note; according to the Bible, He gave us free will as well, to make our own decisions, and loves us no matter what we do. Like a parent should. Not a hard concept to understand. So why is it so hard for some to remember? (Not to mention the fact that if He is truly omniscient, then he already knows what is going to happen during your lifetime, which then encourages the idea that yes, he really is okay with people being who they are, regardless of what society thinks.)

I've heard some people comment that this was never a problem before, so why is it now? (I've actually heard "This transgender thing never existed before, why does it now? It's just a phase.")

Racism was never "a problem" until people demanded equal rights for all. Sexism was never "a problem", until people demanded equal rights for all. Prejudice was definitely NEVER a problem, until those who were gay, bisexual or questioning decided they wanted to damn well be with who they want.

Yes, there's absolutely no problems with our society. Except for the fact that we don't treat everyone equally and we should.

This, you ignoramuses, is a problem now, because people are important no matter who they are and they deserve to be treated with respect. Why are these issues coming up now? Because we've actually done some progress in equal rights, and more and more people refuse to be taken as anything other than who they are.

Flat out, asking someone to pretend to be someone or something they're not, to make society happy is just too much.

It's a good start, but we need to do more.

Gay blood

So. Canadian Blood Services lifted a ban on gay and bisexual men being able to donate blood. According to CBC (click here to open article in new window), the ban has been lifted and, as long as they haven't had sex with another man in at least 5 years, they will be able to give blood.

Really? 5 years? "This is a very significant change for us." they say. Oh, good for you! You found a way to give the illusion that you'll accept their blood. I'm sorry, but if I were in need of blood, I'd rather get it from the man who's been in a monogamous relationship for the last few years than the university student who can't remember the names of all the people she slept with over the last 6 months (I say 'she' because 'he' would be refused anyway).

I know they're trying to make the blood safer and protect us from STIs, including AIDS, and I get that. I appreciate that. I also know that anal sex has a higher chance of spreading STIs, and that's why gay/bisexual guys are singled out.

What I don't know for sure is whether or not they realize that straight people are capable of having anal sex as well... So if they'll take blood from the aforementioned, hypothetical university student, who may have had anal sex with 2 or 3 guys, then why not take from the man who's never cheated on his husband and hasn't touched another man in years? All blood donations should be screened for AIDS. Period.

I think my buddy Corey says it best; "AIDS is really a disease that all blood should be screened for. [There's] literally a chance you were born with it and don't know. If that one disease was universally screened, like it should be, then there would be no reason to screen gay men differently than other people. It's just a way to discriminate against minorities without breaking the law."

Come to think of it, why 5 years? That seems like an awfully long time... And kind of arbitrary, too. AIDS can be detected within 3 weeks to 6 months. Want to be safe; why not say a year? Want to be fair; why not put the same requirements on ALL the forms REGARDLESS of the person's gender or sexuality. It seems that asking everyone if they've had unprotected anal sex in the last year seems not only fairer, but easier, too.

I'm not against them trying to weed out high-risk people, but it's not right that gay men are considered higher risk automatically because they're gay, even if they've had less partners and/or less exposure to potential STIs. I hope they refuse straight girls with multiple unprotected partners, too, otherwise that's just... too wrong for words.

Facebook Indulges My Insecurities

There are days when you can feel pretty low, unworthy, and just not good enough. Everyone has these days,  every once in a while. You could be feeling great the day before, happy with the successes you've accomplished, loved by your friends, ecstatic about the opportunities life is giving you, and the next day, you could feel ignored by those you care about, below the par your friends are setting, and just baffled at what you're doing in your life. No matter how high your life is, every once in a while, you just start to feel low.

It could be anything that sets you off into this crappy mood; maybe your animal of choice ignores you in the morning, (Oh no, Fido, how could you?) maybe you drop an egg on the floor as you're making breakfast, or, maybe you're silly enough to load up Facebook and begin to compare yourself to those on your friends list.

This is one of those days for me.

Humans can never seem to be happy with what we've got, we're always striving for more. Of course, this particular quirk seems to get encouraged by Facebook. We inevitably begin to compare our lives to others on Facebook.

Besides the point that people tend to avoid discussing their failures online, and prefer to only share their successes, we're all also in different stages of our lives with different choices to make and different goals in mind. That person wants to get married in the next five years while that person wants to concentrate on their career, but that person over there is pretty damn happy about getting drunk tonight with friends.

So then I've acknowledged that it's silly to compare myself to anyone on my Facebook, and yet, why do I still end up doing it?

Why is it that even though I feel I'm doing well in my life right now, and I'm excited to do even more, that I have to hold myself in comparison against people on Facebook?

"Oh, she's got a MUCH nicer body than me, my body just doesn't look like that." "She's a vocalist in a band, that's awesome. Wow, I don't think my voice sounds good at all." "She seems to get a lot of compliments on her personality lately. I doubt anyone even likes spending time with me."

And with this, you can see how easily insecurities can take over what you're seeing on Facebook and make you feel low.

As a side note, yes, those are indeed things I've thought in the past hour, even though I logically know that it's bullshit to think that way, and that there's great things about myself too.

And people wonder why I deleted Facebook off my phone...

So how do you drag yourself out of this mood? Well, I'm working on that right now. A few suggestions are angry music, (turn all those mopey feelings to anger, anger is more productive) exercise (nothing quite like sweating your butt off to release endorphins, those will make you feel better AND you're doing something good for your body) as well as doing something you enjoy that makes you productive. Why something productive? Because after you're finished, you can look at that product and be satisfied with the work you've done.

I chose writing, and decided to purge all my feelings in a nice, easy to read format for everyone to know that yes, indeed, even smart ass hot shot bloggers have low days.

OH HI INTERNET!

Unrealistic Ideals

We're all guilty of having unrealistic ideals. I think everyone can get behind this idea.

When's the last time you watched a movie that had romance in it, or read a book that had a plot about romance in it?

Hell, I'm reading Shojo Manga right now, (seriously, I have the tab open on my Chrome and everything) and on Sunday mornings, there is nothing I love better than to perch myself in front of the tv and watch romantic comedies all day.

While fun to watch, or imagine or daydream about, all these give us really high expectations. I mean, I don't even want or need a room full of flowers, but these movies have taught me that really, my significant other doesn't give a shit about me unless he accomplishes this. (Really, just give me some seeds, a pot and I'll grow it myself.) Possibly, this makes us all think we need these Dramatic Grand Gestures, when in fact, we just need to sit down and take in reality for a bit.

First, there is a little bit of truth to the idea that you could run into someone you are suited to anywhere. But that doesn't mean you should sit around waiting for them, moldering in your hermit-y, bachelor ways. Get out and do your own thing. You should enjoy your own company before you enjoy anyone elses'. And if you can't enjoy your own company, you need to begin asking yourself why you don't, and how you expect others to.

In the wooing phase, are you? Don't just expect flowers! If you want to receive flowers, tell them you like flowers. Maybe for a special day, they'll get you some. None of us are mind readers, and we're all probably much better off for it. Same goes for jewelry, or stuffed animals or such. Keep in mind their budgets (How would you like it if someone insisted that you spend your entire paycheck on them?) and your relationship with them. If you've been casually dating for a month, stop scouring through the ring section, trust me. Rings are never a good jewelry choice, as they are with engagement and marriage gifts, which should only be given if meant. Also, how awkward would it be if you got them a ring, to find out it only fits on the heart finger? (Third finger of the left hand.) Yeah, exactly.

As a side note, if you're in the wooing phase, expecting someone to "put out" too quickly is a killer. Everyone moves at their own speeds, and both of yours can be as mismatched as either of you would like, as long as it's very clear that unless you are both comfortable and okay with getting physical, nothing it happening. No means no. (I mean that for both genders.)

So you've been in a relationship for a little while, and it's beginning to feel stale. You  know what you shouldn't do? Just leave it! Contrary to what we seem to be shown, a break does not in fact always help a relationship. Neither does cheating, sneaking around, lying, fantasizing about other people, or becoming obsessed with porn. (The Girl Next Door, anyone?) If you find things aren't going the way they normally do, then spend time with your favorite person. (No, not yourself.) Talk to them, find a new activity you can both do together, enjoy your time together. Remind yourselves of the reasons you both were drawn to each other in the first place. If you're not going to put in the time and effort to be with that person after the easy, honeymoon phase is over, then you don't get the lasting relationship that comes from it.

A lot of this all just boils down to being honest with each other. You've seen enough of what happens in rom-coms when people lie, right? Well, in life, you can't just fast forward to a big romantic scene and skip past all the hurt feelings and bad situations that come from altering the truth to suit yourself. So be up front about your feelings as much as you can, and try to remember to temper it with some good old fashioned logic. (Sure, you love them, but are you really positive that it's a good idea to suddenly announce you want to have a big family with them? I mean, hey, I want kids some day, and someone telling me that out of the blue would make me run for the hills!)

Something that should be mentioned as well, is that no matter how well it works out in the movies, you should never, EVER accept being abused, either physically or mentally. If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, take steps to assure your safe exit from the situation.

Relationships are not just big, dramatic gestures. They're how you interact with someone on a regular basis. They're the little things, like a peck on a cheek when you're stressed, or a little note telling someone you're thinking of them, or someone you can talk to when something makes you upset. You aren't the only one in the relationship. Remember that they have needs and wants too, and theirs are as important as yours.

Just because you think you're Baby in the corner, doesn't mean they aren't the misunderstood Johnny blamed for theft.

So start examining those unrealistic ideals of yours, and maybe consider if you yourself would even measure up.

*goes back to reading her Shojo Manga*

The Balancing Act that Comes with Acknowledging Sexism

I've become very uncomfortable in my own skin lately.

I don't like that I'm constantly harping on about sexism, and things that I would normally blow off and just accept, well, now they really bother me.

They bother me a lot.

It feels like now my mind is hyper aware to any signs of sexism, and I can't shut it off. I see sleazy clothing ads, featuring women as objects (click here for a video that went viral, "Representations of Gender in Media" for a spin on it that is funny and sobering, with thanks to the host of "Epic", Marc Cabot for submitting it) and the way that the media treats women in general. And have you seen how people themselves treat both genders?

The reason sexism bothers me so much is because I pride myself in being a pretty easygoing person, (for all that I have problems with my OCD, and I'm struggling with my agoraphobia, anorexia, and -well, you get the point. I'm working on it, okay?) and for me to sit up and take notice of it when it happens around me does not make for an easygoing way of life.

I work as a waitress. I don't really need to touch on how sexist working in a restaurant can be, do I? Just in the news last week, a male individual was sent to court because a waitress complained he had groped her a few years ago. When I saw that they were taking it seriously, I cheered. In my mind, but I cheered nonetheless. (For a copy of the article, see here and for more writing by the author, see her personal blog linked here. I absolutely love her writing and her perspectives on life, and I heartily recommend you check her out.)

Once, during a shift, a married couple called me over to their table and asked me to settle an argument for them. They added that whoever got it right was the one who paid. I thought it was cute because it was the same banking account that they used, and it was just a fun way to bond as a couple for them. So I cheerfully agreed, and waited, smile on my face. The husband then proceeded to ask me my chest size, saying he thought it was B 36 and his wife thought it was B 34.

Are you freaking kidding me? That is in no way appropriate to ask someone, unless you know them VERY well, and even then! Unless you work at a lingerie store and are helping me pick out a new bra, you should NEVER ask me that question.

Of course, I was at work, so I had to smile, play it off, and hope for my embarrassment that they would at least tip me well.

Next case of recent sexism; my mother wanted to drop off an elliptical as a birthday present for me. I was excited at the prospect, because gyms are too damn expensive and I'd rather work out at home. I told her she could come by when I'm not at work and she told me to ask my boyfriend to help me carry it up the stairs. My response: "Uhhh, why? I work out for a reason." She blanked out on me, mumbled something about getting the men to do it instead of having to lift, because that's what they're good for, and then I promptly ended the conversation by letting her know I could do it myself.

The latest scenario; I was in a pool hall with a few guy friends, telling a funny/tragic story about one of my old roommates, and the word masturbate popped up, and suddenly, so did a guy from the next pool table over. I thought it was kind of hilarious (because sometimes drunk people can be really funny) and when I brought it up to laugh at, my friend shook his head and replied, "What do you expect? You're a woman talking about masturbating near a bunch of drunk guys."

It wasn't his words that bothered me, because he's absolutely right, that's what happens when you use words thought to be taboo in public, (I got sent to the principal's office for telling a classmate I didn't want to see him masturbate, but he didn't get sent, even though he pulled his penis out in the hallway, prompting my remark.) the people that are around you react strongly. In the case of drunken button down shirt pool guy, popping into another table's conversation. But my reaction bothered me.

Was it sexism that happened in that case? Should I have reacted more to that situation? Was there some way I could have somehow "educated" the people around me into recognizing if it was sexism?

See, that's the problem I'm having. There are things that happen in my life that make me over-analyze my emotional response and make me wonder if I'm impeding social reform. Even little conversations with friends, their comments they make about genders, like how guys can't cook or clean, and they're only good for lifting, or how women should just accept being stared at and take it as a compliment.

I want to be someone who upholds their opinions but I do not want to be a fanatic. I'm having a hard time balancing that out in todays' society. When is it appropriate to react in a certain way? How strong is too strong?

Can I please just stop over-thinking this stuff? Please?!