Valentines Day Sucks

So, Valentine's Day is coming up, and I am in a healthy, serious relationship for once. But, I guess I'm still hoping my dad gets me the usual dozen roses. Why? I've got a thing for flowers. I'd prefer they're in a pot, so I can actually keep them, but I'll take a bouquet.

Although actually, my favorite flowers are orchids and lilies.

While normally, that would be cause for enjoyment, I've been panicking lately. Why? Well, I really like this guy, and trying to find him something for Valentine's Day has been the biggest pain in the butt ever.

There's a type of expectation for couples on Valentines Day, that all us committed people are very aware of. You either declare you do nothing, or you do SOMETHING. And whatever you do, you're evaluated on. The actual strength of your relationship is judged by what you do on Valentines Day. That entire first Valentines Day also sets up other special occasions in comparison. You just have a movie night? Well, your relationship is boring and in a rut. You go out for dinner and a movie? Jeez, you're unoriginal. You went on a crazy hot air balloon adventure and he bought you a ton of jewelry and got your name tattooed into his chest? Good luck topping that next year.

And yes, you are expected to top it every year.

So, now that you're aware that couples don't like Valentines Day either, we can go back to the gifting problem.

He really likes music, but he knows his music tastes better than I do, so I can't order him anything online. It'd be pointless. For all I know, he's probably already up to date on all his favorite artists and bands. And no, I'm not getting him an iTunes card.

I've been told to buy him beer, but that's not all that special. I'm always trying to get him drunk. Because I'm a bad influence. Obviously.

The next suggestion was a BJ. Seriously, this was the first and only suggestion from most of my guy friends.

You all suck. ...heh.

Thus, the panicking. I've even gone so far as to email him cheesy little excerpts. Because I am at a loss.

I've always been good at picking out just the right gift. I give thoughtful gifts, needed gifts, wanted gifts. Very much appreciated gifts. It is one of my most prized talents.

And now I'm at a loss.

I want to give him something that tells him that even though we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like to, I'm still thinking of him, and it's him I want to be with, if I'm in a relationship at all. Something that tells him that when I see him smile, my stomach still does butterflies. That when I think of us kissing, I still catch myself touching my lips and smiling. Something that lets him know I'm here to support him as a friend and a partner, and he doesn't have to worry about that going away anytime soon.

So while all you anti Valentines Day single people are over there moping and being grouchy, just know that I'm over here banging my head against the wall.

At this rate, all I want for Valentines Day, is to spend a few hours alone with my boyfriend. Because when you're as busy as him and I, alone time is a precious commodity, that, if done right, reminds each other of why you're always so happy to see that person in the first place.

I'm going back to banging my head against the wall, now.

Smirks And All

Out on a coffee date. We're trying something different.

It feels like we've resolved things, and my face is no longer twisted into the blankness I've affected in previous days. There's a cautious upwards tilt to my lips, as I wash my hands and dry them in the bathroom, then exit the washroom to return to the table.

I'm avoiding any eye contact as I pass the counter, glancing periodically at the art on the walls.

Then the table comes into view, and my face loses the cautiousness and begins to actually smile. I suddenly notice that my pace has increased, and I dial it back a bit, attempting to look nonchalant.

He looks up, and as soon as he directs his face towards mine, my face breaks out into a genuine grin. I immediately try to twist it back into something that doesn't quite display my feelings all over my face. I can't help it, my pace has picked up again. I stare pointedly at the floor, and as soon as I slide back into my seat, I cover up my mouth with my hands.

It doesn't matter. He's smirking back too.