I'm running through Kleenex boxes like it ain't no thang

So, I'm single now. I got dumped.

That's all you get. Moving on.

I'm currently going through the process of applying to adopt a feral kitten. For those of you who don't know, that would make three cats in my apartment. You say Crazy Cat Lady like it's a bad thing.

A feral cat is essentially any cat you see not living with humans, who is a descendant of a domesticated cat.

For example: Idiot can't take care of animals properly. Drops their cat outside of the home. That cat breeds with other strays. Their kittens are feral cats. And that idiot should be shot. I would love to help with that.

The kitten I am interested in adopting is about 7 or 8 months old. Her name is Athena, and she was found in a box that was duct taped up at the dump. Whoever did this is obviously another person I'd be happy to shoot.

I'm adopting her through the local feral cat rescue in Fredericton. It's called Ca-r-ma, (Cat Rescue Maritimes) and you should definitely check out their website. They pick up feral cats, spay and neuter them to keep the population down, and sometimes even keep some in foster homes to wait for adoption.

I think I explained that correctly.

So, first, I fill out an application form. If that's approved, I get a trial run of 2 weeks with Athena, during which if I think my cats can't handle her or I can't handle her, or she can't handle us, I can send her back to the foster family.

Yeah. Like that would happen.

Well, there's what has been on my mind that I'm willing to blog about for this week.

Ciao.

I Don't Like Myself Much Lately

Today I'm having a hard time with any faith in humanity whatsoever.

It's probably because I haven't had a chance to relax, I've been having serious problems with insomnia, I haven't been eating properly, I've been pulling double shifts at work, and I haven't had a chance to actually see or hang out with my friends.

I feel depressed and alone, and I hate feeling this mopey to the the point where it honestly angers me that I feel this defeated. But I honestly can't stop crying about stupid things. It feels like lately everything I try to do just fails, and when I try to pick myself back up again, I'm without a support system. That makes me even angrier, and I've had to consciously restrain myself from pushing others away more.

It's one of my major flaws, you see. If I begin to perceive at all - even if it's not true- that I'm not needed or wanted, I don't want or need that person around either, and I begin to push them out of my life. It's not healthy, and it stems from a fear of rejection, and logically, even though I know all of this, it doesn't stop my subconscious actions.

It's a very selfish choice, to decide you don't want to get hurt, so you cut others out. The emotional reasoning behind it is; "If I'm going to be alone, why not be truly alone instead of this false hope that someone is going to be there to support me when I'm down? Why not just be alone?"

I'm not the suicidal type. I always know that it'll take a while, but I'll eventually bounce back, better than ever. It's just that right now, I'm in a slump, and I want -need- understanding.

And, well, to feel like someone gives a shit when I try to ask for understanding, or when I demand attention.

I don't like myself much lately.

Update on the New Year

I haven’t been posting lately, mostly because I've been busy with all my side projects. Like my volunteering at CHSR FM, and the holidays.

Holidays are wonderful, amazing battery chargers, for those who do not enjoy pushing themselves and their skills to the absolute limit. I myself appear to have problems ever staying still. I've lately been accused of never sleeping as well. Heh.

So I was offered a wonderful opportunity to do promotions for the Fredericton chapter of the Ovarian Canada Society’s Walk of Hope. I accepted, of course.

I was also prompted to open up a promotions company. So I am. It’s going to be an interesting experiment, and I've gotten a lot of feedback just about the idea itself.

One of my friends, when I was telling her what I was pursuing, had this to say; “People think promotions is all about charisma, and it’s not. It’s about organization, and I think you've got that.”

It’s always nice to have some backup.

My significant other was practically ecstatic that I was pursuing something other than making money at my day job (waitressing) and had a lot of interesting advice to give me.

On a side note, I’m currently watching “Merlin” and the main character just started spouting off some kind of dragon language. I've found myself thinking “Holy crap, you sound stupid. Also, translation, please? Subtitles?”

Anyways. Back to an update on everything.

I've decided I’m also pursuing my goals of getting a house. I’ll be spending a lot of today working on my budget (when I’m not actually working) and figuring out plans for the “Walk of Hope” and my new Promotions company.

This entire year for me, I want it to be about making things happen. I know I’m only 23 (yes, I know, I look and act older than I am, and you’re now all dismayed to feel sooo much older, please get over it) but I have things I want out of life, and I’d like to pursue some of my goals while I still have my apparent “youth” to give me the energy to do it.

I've been told I always know what I want, and that’s not actually true. I know what I don’t want, so I work from that angle to figure out what might make me happy. So I suppose in a roundabout logical kind of way, it is knowing what I want.

Until next time! (Whenever that’s going to be... )