Unrealistic Ideals

We're all guilty of having unrealistic ideals. I think everyone can get behind this idea.

When's the last time you watched a movie that had romance in it, or read a book that had a plot about romance in it?

Hell, I'm reading Shojo Manga right now, (seriously, I have the tab open on my Chrome and everything) and on Sunday mornings, there is nothing I love better than to perch myself in front of the tv and watch romantic comedies all day.

While fun to watch, or imagine or daydream about, all these give us really high expectations. I mean, I don't even want or need a room full of flowers, but these movies have taught me that really, my significant other doesn't give a shit about me unless he accomplishes this. (Really, just give me some seeds, a pot and I'll grow it myself.) Possibly, this makes us all think we need these Dramatic Grand Gestures, when in fact, we just need to sit down and take in reality for a bit.

First, there is a little bit of truth to the idea that you could run into someone you are suited to anywhere. But that doesn't mean you should sit around waiting for them, moldering in your hermit-y, bachelor ways. Get out and do your own thing. You should enjoy your own company before you enjoy anyone elses'. And if you can't enjoy your own company, you need to begin asking yourself why you don't, and how you expect others to.

In the wooing phase, are you? Don't just expect flowers! If you want to receive flowers, tell them you like flowers. Maybe for a special day, they'll get you some. None of us are mind readers, and we're all probably much better off for it. Same goes for jewelry, or stuffed animals or such. Keep in mind their budgets (How would you like it if someone insisted that you spend your entire paycheck on them?) and your relationship with them. If you've been casually dating for a month, stop scouring through the ring section, trust me. Rings are never a good jewelry choice, as they are with engagement and marriage gifts, which should only be given if meant. Also, how awkward would it be if you got them a ring, to find out it only fits on the heart finger? (Third finger of the left hand.) Yeah, exactly.

As a side note, if you're in the wooing phase, expecting someone to "put out" too quickly is a killer. Everyone moves at their own speeds, and both of yours can be as mismatched as either of you would like, as long as it's very clear that unless you are both comfortable and okay with getting physical, nothing it happening. No means no. (I mean that for both genders.)

So you've been in a relationship for a little while, and it's beginning to feel stale. You  know what you shouldn't do? Just leave it! Contrary to what we seem to be shown, a break does not in fact always help a relationship. Neither does cheating, sneaking around, lying, fantasizing about other people, or becoming obsessed with porn. (The Girl Next Door, anyone?) If you find things aren't going the way they normally do, then spend time with your favorite person. (No, not yourself.) Talk to them, find a new activity you can both do together, enjoy your time together. Remind yourselves of the reasons you both were drawn to each other in the first place. If you're not going to put in the time and effort to be with that person after the easy, honeymoon phase is over, then you don't get the lasting relationship that comes from it.

A lot of this all just boils down to being honest with each other. You've seen enough of what happens in rom-coms when people lie, right? Well, in life, you can't just fast forward to a big romantic scene and skip past all the hurt feelings and bad situations that come from altering the truth to suit yourself. So be up front about your feelings as much as you can, and try to remember to temper it with some good old fashioned logic. (Sure, you love them, but are you really positive that it's a good idea to suddenly announce you want to have a big family with them? I mean, hey, I want kids some day, and someone telling me that out of the blue would make me run for the hills!)

Something that should be mentioned as well, is that no matter how well it works out in the movies, you should never, EVER accept being abused, either physically or mentally. If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, take steps to assure your safe exit from the situation.

Relationships are not just big, dramatic gestures. They're how you interact with someone on a regular basis. They're the little things, like a peck on a cheek when you're stressed, or a little note telling someone you're thinking of them, or someone you can talk to when something makes you upset. You aren't the only one in the relationship. Remember that they have needs and wants too, and theirs are as important as yours.

Just because you think you're Baby in the corner, doesn't mean they aren't the misunderstood Johnny blamed for theft.

So start examining those unrealistic ideals of yours, and maybe consider if you yourself would even measure up.

*goes back to reading her Shojo Manga*