The Balancing Act that Comes with Acknowledging Sexism

I've become very uncomfortable in my own skin lately.

I don't like that I'm constantly harping on about sexism, and things that I would normally blow off and just accept, well, now they really bother me.

They bother me a lot.

It feels like now my mind is hyper aware to any signs of sexism, and I can't shut it off. I see sleazy clothing ads, featuring women as objects (click here for a video that went viral, "Representations of Gender in Media" for a spin on it that is funny and sobering, with thanks to the host of "Epic", Marc Cabot for submitting it) and the way that the media treats women in general. And have you seen how people themselves treat both genders?

The reason sexism bothers me so much is because I pride myself in being a pretty easygoing person, (for all that I have problems with my OCD, and I'm struggling with my agoraphobia, anorexia, and -well, you get the point. I'm working on it, okay?) and for me to sit up and take notice of it when it happens around me does not make for an easygoing way of life.

I work as a waitress. I don't really need to touch on how sexist working in a restaurant can be, do I? Just in the news last week, a male individual was sent to court because a waitress complained he had groped her a few years ago. When I saw that they were taking it seriously, I cheered. In my mind, but I cheered nonetheless. (For a copy of the article, see here and for more writing by the author, see her personal blog linked here. I absolutely love her writing and her perspectives on life, and I heartily recommend you check her out.)

Once, during a shift, a married couple called me over to their table and asked me to settle an argument for them. They added that whoever got it right was the one who paid. I thought it was cute because it was the same banking account that they used, and it was just a fun way to bond as a couple for them. So I cheerfully agreed, and waited, smile on my face. The husband then proceeded to ask me my chest size, saying he thought it was B 36 and his wife thought it was B 34.

Are you freaking kidding me? That is in no way appropriate to ask someone, unless you know them VERY well, and even then! Unless you work at a lingerie store and are helping me pick out a new bra, you should NEVER ask me that question.

Of course, I was at work, so I had to smile, play it off, and hope for my embarrassment that they would at least tip me well.

Next case of recent sexism; my mother wanted to drop off an elliptical as a birthday present for me. I was excited at the prospect, because gyms are too damn expensive and I'd rather work out at home. I told her she could come by when I'm not at work and she told me to ask my boyfriend to help me carry it up the stairs. My response: "Uhhh, why? I work out for a reason." She blanked out on me, mumbled something about getting the men to do it instead of having to lift, because that's what they're good for, and then I promptly ended the conversation by letting her know I could do it myself.

The latest scenario; I was in a pool hall with a few guy friends, telling a funny/tragic story about one of my old roommates, and the word masturbate popped up, and suddenly, so did a guy from the next pool table over. I thought it was kind of hilarious (because sometimes drunk people can be really funny) and when I brought it up to laugh at, my friend shook his head and replied, "What do you expect? You're a woman talking about masturbating near a bunch of drunk guys."

It wasn't his words that bothered me, because he's absolutely right, that's what happens when you use words thought to be taboo in public, (I got sent to the principal's office for telling a classmate I didn't want to see him masturbate, but he didn't get sent, even though he pulled his penis out in the hallway, prompting my remark.) the people that are around you react strongly. In the case of drunken button down shirt pool guy, popping into another table's conversation. But my reaction bothered me.

Was it sexism that happened in that case? Should I have reacted more to that situation? Was there some way I could have somehow "educated" the people around me into recognizing if it was sexism?

See, that's the problem I'm having. There are things that happen in my life that make me over-analyze my emotional response and make me wonder if I'm impeding social reform. Even little conversations with friends, their comments they make about genders, like how guys can't cook or clean, and they're only good for lifting, or how women should just accept being stared at and take it as a compliment.

I want to be someone who upholds their opinions but I do not want to be a fanatic. I'm having a hard time balancing that out in todays' society. When is it appropriate to react in a certain way? How strong is too strong?

Can I please just stop over-thinking this stuff? Please?!