Cabin Fever

I never used to be someone who got cabin fever. I could spend hours, days, sometimes even weeks comfortably hidden in my room, leaving only to use the facilities, or grab food, or shower.

I don't know what happened to that not so inner hermit, but I most definitely am not like that anymore.

Now, if I stay inside for an entire day, I get moody, antsy, and am prone to periods of furious pacing, or sudden taekwondo kicks, punches, and forms.

Unfortunately, I am supposed to be on required bed rest accompanied by light exercise. For an entire month. No taekwondo, no running, no gym time, no physiotherapy.

So of course I go for an hour long walk.

Here I am sitting on a park bench in Officers' Square, engaging in exactly what my therapist, counsellor, and depression guide have advised me not to do; rumination.

I'm nothing if not troublesome, headstrong, and stubborn.

So back to the topic at hand; where did I get my work ethic and my energy from? Because it sure wasn't here in 2009, the second time I flunked out of University. (To be fair depression had a lot to do with that.) 

Nor was my work ethic kicking around in 2010, which I fondly refer to as the year I didn't exist. (Long story short, my coworkers at the time treated me like I was either invisible, or the worst person in the world.)

I'd say my work ethic came to be roughly around the time my engagement fell apart, and I became a single woman living alone in a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 cats. That was June 2012, in case you were wondering.

That was the year I began to do ridiculous amounts of volunteerwork. That was the year I fell for my best friend.

I can safely say that was around the time I began to develop my backbone, for realsies. Because around then I realized it wasn't all that terrible, being alone.

The next year had me look at my bitter, old coworker who was stuck in a rut, and decide I would never be like her.

I applied to return to University that day, with the support of my best friend, who was then also my partner.

I'm not a success story. I'm not a survivor, or a victim. I have my low points. I have my very low points, where I cannot even crawl out of bed. But I have my high points too.

Even when I'm feeling low, I get out of bed because I'm too damn stubborn not to work towards those high points.

I guess that's why I have such terrible cabin fever. I just want to get shit done.