I Don't Like Myself Much Lately

Today I'm having a hard time with any faith in humanity whatsoever.

It's probably because I haven't had a chance to relax, I've been having serious problems with insomnia, I haven't been eating properly, I've been pulling double shifts at work, and I haven't had a chance to actually see or hang out with my friends.

I feel depressed and alone, and I hate feeling this mopey to the the point where it honestly angers me that I feel this defeated. But I honestly can't stop crying about stupid things. It feels like lately everything I try to do just fails, and when I try to pick myself back up again, I'm without a support system. That makes me even angrier, and I've had to consciously restrain myself from pushing others away more.

It's one of my major flaws, you see. If I begin to perceive at all - even if it's not true- that I'm not needed or wanted, I don't want or need that person around either, and I begin to push them out of my life. It's not healthy, and it stems from a fear of rejection, and logically, even though I know all of this, it doesn't stop my subconscious actions.

It's a very selfish choice, to decide you don't want to get hurt, so you cut others out. The emotional reasoning behind it is; "If I'm going to be alone, why not be truly alone instead of this false hope that someone is going to be there to support me when I'm down? Why not just be alone?"

I'm not the suicidal type. I always know that it'll take a while, but I'll eventually bounce back, better than ever. It's just that right now, I'm in a slump, and I want -need- understanding.

And, well, to feel like someone gives a shit when I try to ask for understanding, or when I demand attention.

I don't like myself much lately.